The First Birthday Without the Song

View this post on the web at [link removed] This is the first birthday in 59 years that I have not heard my mother’s voice. Every year, without fail, she would sing Happy Birthday to me. The whole thing. There was no hurrying her along and absolutely no skipping to the end. I could be breastfeeding a baby, boarding an airplane, reversing out of a driveway, but once she had started, we were going all the way through to “Happy Birthday to you.” In person or on the phone. And today, for the first time, there is no song. Feeling just a tiny bit tender because I’m also missing my daughter. She would have picked a flower, wrapped a small present and baked a cake. But I’ll go down to the churchyard and lie beside Mum for a while, as I often do. I find it incredibly healing there. Ladybirds wander across the grave, ants march about, the birds sing in the trees above, and I would not be surprised if Badger had been by. I know she would like all the activity going on around her. David left the house early this morning, but beside my bed I found a small package, a birthday card and a note: “Supplies for the trip.” Inside were four chocolate Flakes. Amory and I leave for Ukraine at 4am. It is a tough time to be going. But I want to join the Global Empowerment Mission team out there now. We should all be enormously proud of, and amazed by, the work they continue to do — delivering aid across hundreds and hundreds of miles of frontline communities when most other agencies have given up. But GEM are also now focusing on a long-term housing initiative, helping displaced people move from appalling temporary conditions into proper, resilient accommodation in relatively safe parts of the country, as well as continuing their widow and Farm to Frontline programmes. God knows what this trip will hold for Amory and me. They never unfold quite as expected. War never unfolds quite as expected. I have dedicated my new book, Entertaining With a Side of Chaos, to my children: Wesley, Felix, Amory, Conrad and Domino. In my office one afternoon a few months ago, Conrad saw me typing this out and said, “Just dedicate it to me. The others will never know.” He might be right. Will any of them actually open the book far enough to discover the dedication? With the book coming out, I suddenly thought it might be rather fun to invite a small, intimate group of people to come and experience the way I entertain for themselves. I clearly needed somebody who actually knows what they’re doing when it comes to travel, so I am hosting this journey with Byline Travel and we have put together a few days in the Bahamas at the beginning of November. It’s one of my favourite times on the island. Hurricane season is coming to an end, everything is still wonderfully quiet, and the place is just beginning to wake up again. We’ll go boating with Conch & Coconut, picnic on a deserted beach, ride horses with Marty, eat very good sushi, poke our noses into a Junkanoo shack, stop for fresh juices at Sweet Spot, do a little rum tasting with David, and have dinner with friends at my home. After thirty years of living here, I’ve collected a few favourite corners, characters and places along the way — the ones you probably wouldn’t stumble across on your own, but which, to me, are what make the Bahamas so special. This is really a chance to come and experience my version of island life for a few days. And, inevitably, there will be a certain amount of entertaining. (Everything you need to know about the trip is here: Bahamas by India [ [link removed] ]) So today I am missing the people I love enormously, being grateful for the ones beside me, heading somewhere difficult because it matters, and planning something joyful because that matters too. INDIA HICKS. An Unexpected Journey. is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Unsubscribe [link removed]?